In the life of every couple and individual lies a tension between two central and contrasting needs.
The need for togetherness on the one hand, and for separateness on the other.
We all want, at one level, a lot of togetherness.
We want to merge bodies, to sleep tightly entwined, to share every moment, to break down the barrier between I and you, to get back to what we all had at the start, complete union with someone else.
But at another level, we also very much want and need separateness.
We have to maintain our integrity.
We need time to think alone.
We have to be ready to meet the obstacles and challenges of our working lives unaided.
We want to get on with our projects and friendships.
If we try to represent these two contrasting wishes with a motoring metaphor, we might say that there is in every love story an accelerator that points to togetherness and a brake that creates distance.
